I understand sorrow

I understand sorrow

Doesn't mean I am sad

Not living like you do

Doesn't mean I am dead

It's great to feel joy

But it's okay to feel pain

Universe balances everything

Not every win is a gain

Come, what may bring you

Ensure to have then fun 

When life can be a whirlpool

Be you and next to none

Saved

Sometimes 

I feel lost

But then

I am always saved

I have three lifelines

Which keep me alive

Art,

Poetry

And

You.

पतझड़

पतझड़ के मौसम में, गुलाब नहीं मिलते
सवाल कई होते हैं, जवाब नहीं मिलते
हक़ नहीं कोई शिक़वा या शिकायत करें
हर दफ़े हकीकत और ख़्वाब नहीं मिलते

माना ज़रा

माना ज़रा कम आप बोलते हो 

एहसासों को लफ़्ज़ों में नहीं तोलते हो 

पर हमें तो रहता है इन्तेज़ार फ़िर भी 

राज़ अपने दिल के क्यूँ नहीं खोलते हो 

हम तो बादल में बैठे हैं मज़े में 

आप जाने जमीं पर क्या टटोलते हो 

दुनिया रह जायेगी, साथ होगा हमसफ़र 

इश्क़ को जो कोई दौलतों से मोलते हो 

गुल कई होंगे गुलशन में मगर 

इस गुल में खुशबू आप घोलते हो 

I write poetry

I write poetry

When words fail me 

I write poetry

When thoughts are too much

And expression is difficult

I write poetry 

When I am hurt

And when I hope

I write poetry 

To communicate 

I write poetry

To share my dreams

I write poetry 

To show that I love

And most of all

I write poetry

Because it's all me

Spread on a piece of paper

I don't know 

Whether you read poetry or me

You say you understand neither

And I say I believe you

But I am most afraid

That you understand 

Of what I am saying

And pretend that you don't 

कितने दफ़े

कितने दफ़े सोचते हैं
उन तमाम सारी बातों को
जो करनी हैं आपसे
पर कभी समझ नहीं आता
कि शुरू कहाँ से करें
कभी सोचते हैं ख़त लिख दें
कई बार लिखना कह पाने से
ज़्यादा आसान जो लगता है
पर फ़िर सहम जाते हैं
न जाने क्यूँ
सवाल और ख़याल कुलबुलाते रहते हैं
मुझे मालूम नहीं ये थोड़ा डर है या कोई झिझक
पर कभी कभी शब्द यूंही थम जाते हैं
कभी सोचते हैं कि आप क्या सोचते होंगे
क्या आपके भी दिल-ओ-दिमाग में
ऐसे ही उथल-पुथल होती है
क्या आप भी वह कह नहीं पाते
जो कहना चाहते हैं
क्या आपको भी कभी किसी अनजान बात का
डर लगता है
आपके सपने क्या हैं
आपकी चाहत क्या है
आपके दर्द क्या हैं
आपकी राहत क्या है
कितना कुछ जानना है
कितना कुछ बताना है
कितनी सारी बातें हैं
पर कभी समझ ही नहीं आता
कि शुरू कहाँ से करें
कभी सोचते हैं खत लिख दें
शायद ये एक ख़त ही तो है
कितनी सारी बातें हैं
जो करनी हैं आपसे
आना आप कभी फुरसत से
ज़िंदगी भर का वक़्त लेके

Careless words

There is only something that I hate so much

Careless words

Words that dont mean anything

Words that are just lying in the air

That you just catch and throw

No

Words that doesnt connect

Words that doesnt come from inside

Your mind, your soul

Words that have no purpose

Words that are mere an excuse to remove silence

No

Words that are poison

For your mind

For your emotions

For your sanity

Words that stab you

Right where it can kill

Because you didn't notice what you are saying

Because you didnt find it important 

Because they were just careless words for you 

Finding love

I often forget
What love is like
And then
I find poetry again!

Message in a bottle

Sometimes I am very much emotionally overwhelmed. I feel like my heart will almost burst with emotions and feelings. Those such times I just wish I had someone whom I could make sit with me, look into my eyes and then tell how and what I am feeling. Not needing any comments or reactions, but just to be present with me, there in that moment and just listen to me and feel what I am not able to convey through words. And if not feel, understand that I am feeling and it's okay to feel. 

Often I expect this from people around me and I think it comes off very naturally to human beings to expect. We are conditioned that way by our society, surroundings and relationships. That's where I fail. It's okay to feel but you can't make anybody understand that. You can't explain feelings to anybody unless they feel it. And worst, you can't expect them to understand that for you. 

Those such times I wish I just had somebody. May be that somebody is out there and we just haven't met yet. And those such times, I shoot words at the sky, in hope that somebody out there is catching them and feeling the same. Like my own little bottle with a message in it, thrown at the sea, only to be found by someone who was looking for it all the while. 

Successful Sunday

Sometimes I wonder what a successful day is for me. I had a successful Sunday yesterday, well, kind of successful. 

I woke up early in the morning, naturally and not by a alarm clock or phone ring. I felt well slept, refreshed, energized and motivated. I didn't procrastinate as I always do. I didn't lose myself in mundane chores of everyday household this day. 

I had set-up a nice working space for myself. I had put on some on my favorite music and some of 90's Bollywood music too (I must tell you they are an absolute mood up-lifter if you have never tried it, works like a charm). I made a delicious cold coffee for myself; rich, dark, strong, creamy, chocolaty, exactly the way I like it. I held brush after a long time. I tried blobbing paints on paper. I was not really very happy with my first painting attempt of that morning. But I was glad I was learning, I learnt what style worked for me, and what not. I didn't feel scared to try on new things. I started another painting. 

And then, I had to meet this beautiful friend for lunch. It was a simple lunch but oh don't we just love to hangout simply sometimes. Making travel plans, eating, a little shopping may be and most importantly, admiring and supporting each other. 

I continued my day watching old movies on Television and resuming painting. It felt nice. It felt relieved. It felt peace. I was really happy with my second painting I must tell you. I decided to treat myself a little and I put on my headphones and headed out to try some street food. I rarely go out alone to eat, but I love doing that. It feels great, like I have a power and I am enough. 

And those times, I was only wondering that how important it is to have such days, with no drama in it. I agree life is a very long, complicated, dramatic movie. The casting never ends. Genre keeps on changing. One moment you think its a romance genre and other you find it being drama. Its comedy but its sometimes mystery and crime too. Well, I keep trying for making it a musical with romance and comedy and very little drama too of-course, like a pinch of salt in it. And then, some drama did happen. What is this movie called life without drama in it, eh? 

So, I had a kind of successful Sunday yesterday. But it had me thinking, how I want all my life's days like! Being happy and feeling peaceful isn't really too difficult, is it ? But when an external force tries to change your initial inertia and cause you to change your movie's genre, what should you do? Resist? Change? Don't give a damn and keep on enjoying your own musical?! Trying to figure out this last bit... 

I hope you all had a successful Sunday too. Would love to hear what makes it work for you. 

Storyteller

I used to call myself a storyteller

I thought I always have many stories

That needed to be told

That needed to come out

But I am thinking for last few days

Do I have any story to tell you?

May be many, may be none

Today I cant find any one

Though I want to tell you

About every atom that makes me Me

My hopes, desires, dreams

My regrets, experiences, schemes

My fears, darkness, screams.

I am open to you like an ocean

It's you who has to explore

You will find the hidden pearls

Keep diving till the core.

I am not really a puzzle

As the world thinks I am

Sometimes I think that too

That I am too complicated, 

But is that true that I am?

I am a blabbermouth I know

But I don't have a story today

I am a silent story in myself

If you listen what I can't say.

I wish

I wish we could talk all day long and night.

I wish that, but I wish so much more

I would have stared at your eyes as you would talk to me.

Observe the curves of your lips as they form words.

I will see in your eyes when your imagination goes wild

And you picture the whole world with me.

I would love your hair and out of the blue I would just ruffle them.

And when you suddenly stop talking and ask me "what happened", 

I would smile and say "nothing".

We would talk in words, we would talk in silences,

We will stare at each other with eyes closed.

I wish we could talk all day long and night.

I remember you

I remember you..

Like a shadow,

Sometimes appearing with sun but still always there.

Like a breeze,

Whose soft presence you can always feel.

Like a star,

Who would always be your guiding angel when all is lost and forgotten.

I remember you,

As you were there for me then,

As you are here for me now.

I remember you,

As you are.

But I want to see you again,

Soon...

Coz this memory isn't enough for me.

I want to look into your eyes,

More deeply this time.

I would read everything 

That you never say to me.

I want to know how it feels like 

To touch you

Are you really real?

How it feels like

To hold your hand?

I want to lean on your shoulder 

And forget that another world exists.

I want to whisper to you

And keep looking at your eyes.

And admire my best discovery in life.

I want to touch your face

And remember every freckle.

And all this while,

I want to remember you.

I will be your deep ocean

And you can be the diver

All the mysteries yours to unravel.

And I love you.

Letter

I often write to you in my head

All the things that I never say

I need you to know what clouds 

My mind all night and day 

I think about this distance 

That's spread for miles and miles

And the thought of just seeing you

Gives me jitters, makes me smile

And I wonder what you see 

In this crazy psycho me

That you're losing sleep and peace 

That you're falling on your knee

But I think about us the most

Are we real or just a dream?

I pinch myself to check

But doesn't work it seem

You say you love me so much

And show me the utmost care

But you're so afraid of some daemon

Who haunts you as nightmare

I want you to know that I am 

Standing forever tall beside you

You need not feel lost or scared

I'm here when its pink and its blue

There is so much more to say

But may be in another letter

Till then, just stay strong

Together we can make it better

ख़लबली

खोज नहीं मुझे 
शांति की, सुकून की 
एक हलचल चाहिए 
ख़लबली सी 
बेचैनी है 
शांति भी है 
तड़प है कोई 
कुछ पाने की 
कुछ ढूंढ रहा है दिल 
नहीं जानता क्या 
गुमसुम रहता है 
उड़ाने भरता रहता है 
ख़्वाब देखता रहता है 
निडर छलांगे मारता है 
बादलों से समुंदर में 
एक शांत सी गली के एक अंधेरे कोने में 
रंगीली रोशनियों के  बीच थिरकता है
नशे में रहता है
उसे ज़िंदगी का सुरूर है
पर पता नहीं क्यूँ
डर जाता है फिर
गुमसुम रहता है
और ख़लबली ढूंढता है

मिलते नहीं

मिलते नहीं हमें, कभी मुकाम, तो कभी राह
मिलती नहीं जीने की वज़ह, तो कभी चाह

Milte nahin hamein, kabhi mukaam, to kabhi raah
Milti nahin jeene ki wajah, to kabhi chaah

न पूछ

न पूछ कि क्या हाल है इस बेहाल का,
हम इश्क़ में तेरे अपना गुरूर भूल गये हैं।
छाया है क्या असर तेरी बातों का मुझपे,
जमाने के सारे सुरूर भूल गये हैं।

Na puchh ki kya haal hai is behaal ka, 
Hum ishq me tere apna guroor bhool gaye hain.
Chhaya hai kya asar teri baaton ka mujhpe, 
Jamaane ke saare suroor bhool gaye hain.

Life and Death

Today I don't want to believe that I'm going to last for 75 years.
I want to feel death. I want to feel what it is like to die?!

I do not mean to say that I want to die. I am not sick, I am not depressed, I am not defeated; and if you must think, I am not bored either. It is not like life is missing big adventures or surprises, I just do not feel that I am living.

Lub-Dub Lub-Dub Lub-Dub

That is how heart beats, that is how we know we are living. I do not listen to that sound. I want to immerse in that music which is above all the worldly pleasures. I want to feel my every heartbeat.

I want to feel the miracle - the miracle of life. Each day when I wake up, I want to be thankful for being still alive. I want to feel every time I breathe, knowing that I am fully alive.

I want to feel free, being capable of choosing every moment of my life to spend my own way. To be able to sing or dance like no one's keeping an eye on me. To be able to jump and try to touch the sky. To believe that I can fly, if not today, someday. I want to live my way with no people staring at me as I am different. Coz I want to tell them all - Yes, I am different. And so are you! What you think of insanity is only a measure for freedom. You dare not to be insane, coz you dare not to be free.

I want to feel a fear of death once; and then let go of all the fears, the fear of hatred, the fear of love, the fear of death, the fear of life!

Good Morning!

Good morning!

It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?

What's beautiful about this morning, do you ask? What isn't, I ask!

The beautiful golden sun rays coming through the window and shining on your skin, a breeze carrying the smell of earth, birds chirping everywhere and music in every sound if you listen with your soul!

Why rush? There are many who needs to, but you don't! You don't have to wake up because the world will stop, if you don't! You have to wake up because its time you start enjoying the mornings rather than counting it as another curse!

You are one of those lucky souls who don't have to wake up early to minister to the sick, to carry food for the mass or guard the boundaries to protect people and things.

Your job is easy. All you need to do is not worry and breathe. Take it slowly. Relax. And start the day with a smile. Can you do that?

You are lucky, because you have time to read this post. May be you are still in your bed, or taking a break from your never ending chores, or travelling in a train or metro. Feel this morning. Yes, this is like every other morning. There is nothing exceptional about today, except that you are trying to smile, aren't you? I will be happy to know that you smile everyday!

Why rush? Take a moment to close your eyes, not sleep, but close your eyes. And say this to yourself. YES! I AM READY!

Whatever it may be, the day will come, you don't have to anticipate everything in the world. But feel ready. In this moment. 

Once, while travelling, I found a little girl, 5 years old, just so happy. She wanted to play with me. So we played. We were playing and her uncle scolded her a bit for being too naughty with random stranger people. She started crying in a moment. I hugged her and she was happy again the next moment. Life is just this simple. Its always in the present, the moment which is NOW! We hold on to our grudges too long, that they become a lot of emotions. They become resentment, they become regret. They become anger, annoyance and blame. They self-destruct our emotional system. We need to feel gratitude. Hope and satisfaction will follow. 

Are you feeling grateful for little things?

You all are grateful for food that you get, do you enjoy every morsel of it that you eat? Do you realize every flavor? There is a lot to feel, if you just eat when you eat.

There is a lot to relish if you are just with the person that you are, and not lost in your world of worries. Do you ever look in the eyes and talk? Do you try to empathize and not just throw mere opinions? 

Look around. There is a whole world just waiting to be cherished. With all its little insignificant moments to offer. Those moments make our life beautiful.

The day will come, you can not control it. But enjoy your morning. And the peace that it will provide to your soul. 

Have a good morning! :)

How are you?

Once I asked a friend 'how are you'. He told me he is 'surviving' and he shared his story. I was glad he was willing to tell and I had to tell him he is doing a great job at life. But when I asked the same question to many other friends, they said "fine" or they didn't even bother to answer or register the question. And in most cases, they didn't ask me back how I am. It left me wondering how people don't ask anybody anymore how they are doing. A part reason could be people don't always tell truth when they tell how they are. We always want to skip the big talks. We like avoiding questions that are asked about our feelings. We hide why we feel what we feel. We don't like to be exposed of our emotions. We find comfort in the fact that not many people can read us like an open book. And we prefer choosing a safe answer over a truthful one.

I have been asked this question a few times. Among those few of the times, I have tried to answer it honestly. Once I told a friend I am feeling anxious. I knew he would ask me the reason and he did; but I had none to offer. I couldn't find the reason of anxiety myself. I wanted to share if somebody is hearing me out but I didn't know the reason. People don't accept that you can't know why you feel particularly so. For them, feelings come in a pair with reasons. And everything has to be combined with logic. Once a colleague asked me at work how I am, and I told him I am hungry. He was very kind to accept my answer and he suggested options for breakfast. Many times I have told my friends that I am feeling joyous. They have asked me the reason. Sometimes I had them, sometimes I didn't; but they celebrated with me. Many times I told my friends I am feeling depressed. They only told me I am crazy to feel so. That it's just in my mind and I shouldn't think much. But I wonder why they didn't want to accept the answer then. Feeling negative emotions is as much a part of life as feeling the positive ones. I am only a human! A human with bones and flesh and all my virtues and flaws!

For last few days, I have been feeling a lot of negative emotions. Feeling of being deserted, feeling of not being cared for, feeling of not doing enough and feeling of regret over all the wrong choices I had made in the past. I know there is no point investing your time over a few things, because thinking again and again won't really make you feel better. But some times all you need is somebody who genuinely asks you how you are, and not give grave suggestions like "stop thinking". Only if I could really stop thinking, life would have been so much easy! But sometimes it's okay to think. All we need is somebody who understands that it's really okay so. Who accepts that it's okay to feel sad or lost. People just need to have a belief that we will come back around. And not knowing and getting confused is as much a part of life as exploring and having faith.

Sometimes all we need is just somebody who listen to us. Everyone has a lot to say. But are we ready to listen to them? Are we ready to know how they are before actually asking them? Are we ready to share how we are?

Find the answers in your heart today. Ask this to yourself, your friends and people around you. 

How are you?