तेरे इंतज़ार में

तेरे इंतज़ार में वो, रात कल सोई नहीं 

शमा पिघलती रही पर, आँख बस रोई नहीं 

क्या मुनासिब है जो इतना, हो सितम उसपे अभी 

क्यूं मिले उसको सज़ा, जब बीज वो बोई नहीं 

ढूंढता है कौन क्या कब, किसे है मालूम वो

हर गली कूंचे में देखा, उसने पाया कोई नहीं 

मेरा कहा मान

मेरा कहा मान मुझे याद न कर
हर पहर मेरी फ़रियाद न कर
काम बहुत हैं दुनिया में इश्क़ के सिवा
आशिकी में शामें यूं बर्बाद न कर
बड़ी मिन्नत से मिलता है रूह को सुकूँ
इन फ़िज़ूल की बातों पर फ़साद न कर
अरसे बाद भरे हैं जो ज़ख्म पुराने
और नये ग़म अब ईज़ाद न कर
फाँसले बहुत हैं ख़्वाब औ' हक़ीक़त में
कामिल न हो ऐसी मुराद न कर

I understand sorrow

I understand sorrow

Doesn't mean I am sad

Not living like you do

Doesn't mean I am dead

It's great to feel joy

But it's okay to feel pain

Universe balances everything

Not every win is a gain

Come, what may bring you

Ensure to have then fun 

When life can be a whirlpool

Be you and next to none

इस साल की सीख

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
सिर्फ़ एक अच्छा इंसान बनना 
काफ़ी नहीं है 
सुन्दर दिखना 
बहुत ज़्यादा दौलत कमाना 
और हर किसी की नज़रों में ख़ास बनना 
सफलता के असली मापदण्ड हैं 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
आप कितना भी प्रेम कर लें 
पर हद से ज़्यादा विश्वास करना 
बेहद फ़िज़ूल है 
लोग सिर्फ एक हद तक ही साथ देते हैं 
और वो हद 
अक्सर उनके मतलब के हिसाब से तय होती है 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
आप चाहे अपनी सोच में 
सारे समंदर समेट लें 
और अंतरिक्ष की सीमायें लाँघ लें 
अंत में अपनी गरिमा का वास्ता देते हुए 
समाज की बनाई किसी सीमा में 
क़ैद हो जाना होता है 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
वादे सिर्फ किये जाते हैं 
निभाना उतना ज़रूरी नहीं होता 
वादों में अक्सर 
मतलब छिपे होते हैं 
और निभाने की वज़हें 
मतलब के आगे कमज़ोर 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
लोग आपसे अक्सर 
हाल चाल पूछते हैं 
पर उन्हें सच में आपके हाल में 
उतनी ही दिलचस्पी होती है 
जितना उन्हें उससे 
मनोरंजन मिलता रहे 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
कि किसी पीड़ा का माप 
चोट नहीं होती 
और हम ऐसी 
बहुत सी चीज़ें 
महसूस कर लेते हैं 
जिन्हें हम समझ नहीं सकते 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
अपेक्षायें और आकांक्षायें 
कभी ख़त्म नहीं होती 
और असीम असंभावनाओं के मध्यस्त 
एक उम्मीद ही होती है 
जो हौंसला देती है 
निरंतर बढ़ते रहने के लिये 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
जरूरतें तो हमेशा ही 
वक़्त पर पूरी हो जाया करती हैं 
पालने होते हैं तो बस कुछ शौक़ 
कुछ ख़ुद को खुश रखने के लिये 
और कुछ खुद को ज़िंदा 
मृत इंसान के शौक़ नहीं हुआ करते 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
महज़ ज़िंदा रहना ही ज़िंदगी नहीं 
ज़िंदगी में स्वाद 
ज़िंदादिली से है 
ज़िंदगी की चाह 
और ज़िंदगी का शुक्र अदा कर पाना 
ज़िंदगी की सच्ची सफ़लता है 

इस साल मैंने सीखा 
वक़्त तो हर लम्हा गुज़रता ही रहता है 
वो नहीं रुकता 
पर हम ही लम्हों को 
कभी यादों तो कभी शब्दों में 
तो कभी चित्रों में उकेर के 
क़ैद कर सकते हैं 
और वक़्त को रोक सकते हैं 

पतझड़

पतझड़ के मौसम में, गुलाब नहीं मिलते
सवाल कई होते हैं, जवाब नहीं मिलते
हक़ नहीं कोई शिक़वा या शिकायत करें
हर दफ़े हकीकत और ख़्वाब नहीं मिलते

माना ज़रा

माना ज़रा कम आप बोलते हो 

एहसासों को लफ़्ज़ों में नहीं तोलते हो 

पर हमें तो रहता है इन्तेज़ार फ़िर भी 

राज़ अपने दिल के क्यूँ नहीं खोलते हो 

हम तो बादल में बैठे हैं मज़े में 

आप जाने जमीं पर क्या टटोलते हो 

दुनिया रह जायेगी, साथ होगा हमसफ़र 

इश्क़ को जो कोई दौलतों से मोलते हो 

गुल कई होंगे गुलशन में मगर 

इस गुल में खुशबू आप घोलते हो 

I write poetry

I write poetry

When words fail me 

I write poetry

When thoughts are too much

And expression is difficult

I write poetry 

When I am hurt

And when I hope

I write poetry 

To communicate 

I write poetry

To share my dreams

I write poetry 

To show that I love

And most of all

I write poetry

Because it's all me

Spread on a piece of paper

I don't know 

Whether you read poetry or me

You say you understand neither

And I say I believe you

But I am most afraid

That you understand 

Of what I am saying

And pretend that you don't 

हर बात की वज़ह

हर बात की कोई वज़ह हो, ये जरुरी तो नहीं 
अगर कह के भी अनकही रह जाये, तो अधूरी तो नहीं 
खामोशियों को भी जब, मिलने लगे जुबाँ 
तो अल्फ़ाज़ों की कैसी कोई, मजबूरी तो नहीं 
कोशिशों के समंदर में, उम्मीद की नाव है 
जो पार लग जाये, फिर दूरी तो नहीं 

कितने दफ़े

कितने दफ़े सोचते हैं
उन तमाम सारी बातों को
जो करनी हैं आपसे
पर कभी समझ नहीं आता
कि शुरू कहाँ से करें
कभी सोचते हैं ख़त लिख दें
कई बार लिखना कह पाने से
ज़्यादा आसान जो लगता है
पर फ़िर सहम जाते हैं
न जाने क्यूँ
सवाल और ख़याल कुलबुलाते रहते हैं
मुझे मालूम नहीं ये थोड़ा डर है या कोई झिझक
पर कभी कभी शब्द यूंही थम जाते हैं
कभी सोचते हैं कि आप क्या सोचते होंगे
क्या आपके भी दिल-ओ-दिमाग में
ऐसे ही उथल-पुथल होती है
क्या आप भी वह कह नहीं पाते
जो कहना चाहते हैं
क्या आपको भी कभी किसी अनजान बात का
डर लगता है
आपके सपने क्या हैं
आपकी चाहत क्या है
आपके दर्द क्या हैं
आपकी राहत क्या है
कितना कुछ जानना है
कितना कुछ बताना है
कितनी सारी बातें हैं
पर कभी समझ ही नहीं आता
कि शुरू कहाँ से करें
कभी सोचते हैं खत लिख दें
शायद ये एक ख़त ही तो है
कितनी सारी बातें हैं
जो करनी हैं आपसे
आना आप कभी फुरसत से
ज़िंदगी भर का वक़्त लेके

तन्हा

इंसान आज इतना तन्हा हो गया है,
खुशी खोजता है और खुद खो गया है

Insaan aaj itna tanhaa ho gaya hai,
Khushi khojta hai aur khud kho gaya hai

Message in a bottle

Sometimes I am very much emotionally overwhelmed. I feel like my heart will almost burst with emotions and feelings. Those such times I just wish I had someone whom I could make sit with me, look into my eyes and then tell how and what I am feeling. Not needing any comments or reactions, but just to be present with me, there in that moment and just listen to me and feel what I am not able to convey through words. And if not feel, understand that I am feeling and it's okay to feel. 

Often I expect this from people around me and I think it comes off very naturally to human beings to expect. We are conditioned that way by our society, surroundings and relationships. That's where I fail. It's okay to feel but you can't make anybody understand that. You can't explain feelings to anybody unless they feel it. And worst, you can't expect them to understand that for you. 

Those such times I wish I just had somebody. May be that somebody is out there and we just haven't met yet. And those such times, I shoot words at the sky, in hope that somebody out there is catching them and feeling the same. Like my own little bottle with a message in it, thrown at the sea, only to be found by someone who was looking for it all the while. 

I love you

I love you.

I wanted to tell you

Exactly how I am feeling right now

But I can't find words for it

May be there is no word for it.

It's like somebody is pulling me from inside

Crunching the innards 

And escaping a thousand butterflies

In the space that's created after.

Like my whole body is shivering

Coz it's missing the warmth of your hug

It's craving the touch of your skin on mine

And it needs its dope that's you.

It's like my heart is not pumping anymore

But walloping with a frequency of thousand each second

It's so full of love that it keeps bursting

And often its remnants come out the way of eyes.

It's like my mind is clouded

And everything appears hazy

It's searching everywhere for a shadow that's yours

I have no senses; for I find all my senses in you.

And my soul... it's waiting

For you are its ocean and it is the river

It will dissolve in you when it meets you.

And I will dissolve in you when I meet you.

I remember you

I remember you..

Like a shadow,

Sometimes appearing with sun but still always there.

Like a breeze,

Whose soft presence you can always feel.

Like a star,

Who would always be your guiding angel when all is lost and forgotten.

I remember you,

As you were there for me then,

As you are here for me now.

I remember you,

As you are.

But I want to see you again,

Soon...

Coz this memory isn't enough for me.

I want to look into your eyes,

More deeply this time.

I would read everything 

That you never say to me.

I want to know how it feels like 

To touch you

Are you really real?

How it feels like

To hold your hand?

I want to lean on your shoulder 

And forget that another world exists.

I want to whisper to you

And keep looking at your eyes.

And admire my best discovery in life.

I want to touch your face

And remember every freckle.

And all this while,

I want to remember you.

I will be your deep ocean

And you can be the diver

All the mysteries yours to unravel.

And I love you.

नये रास्ते

नये रास्ते आज़मा 

नये तज़ुर्बे ढूंढ 

ढूंढ नयी मंज़िलें 

नये रिश्ते ढूंढ 

नयी ख़्वाहिशें पैदा कर 

नये नज़ारे सराह 

जो मुकाम न मिले कोई 

तो बस ये ज़िन्दगी चाह 

ख़लबली

खोज नहीं मुझे 
शांति की, सुकून की 
एक हलचल चाहिए 
ख़लबली सी 
बेचैनी है 
शांति भी है 
तड़प है कोई 
कुछ पाने की 
कुछ ढूंढ रहा है दिल 
नहीं जानता क्या 
गुमसुम रहता है 
उड़ाने भरता रहता है 
ख़्वाब देखता रहता है 
निडर छलांगे मारता है 
बादलों से समुंदर में 
एक शांत सी गली के एक अंधेरे कोने में 
रंगीली रोशनियों के  बीच थिरकता है
नशे में रहता है
उसे ज़िंदगी का सुरूर है
पर पता नहीं क्यूँ
डर जाता है फिर
गुमसुम रहता है
और ख़लबली ढूंढता है

मिलते नहीं

मिलते नहीं हमें, कभी मुकाम, तो कभी राह
मिलती नहीं जीने की वज़ह, तो कभी चाह

Milte nahin hamein, kabhi mukaam, to kabhi raah
Milti nahin jeene ki wajah, to kabhi chaah

काश

काश हम समझ पाते, जो वो कभी कहते नहीं,
रोज़ तन्हा शामों में, खामोशियाँ सहते नहीं।

Kaash hum samajh paate, jo wo kabhi kahte nahi,
Roz tanhaa shaamon me, khaamoshiyaan sahte nahi.

पहेली

ज़िंदगी पहेली है, या पहेली खुद हम ही हैं,
कितने खोजे जवाब, पर आज तक सब कम ही हैं।

Zindagi paheli hai, ya paheli khud ham hi hain,
Kitne khoje jawaab, par aaj tak sab kam hi hain.

Life and Death

Today I don't want to believe that I'm going to last for 75 years.
I want to feel death. I want to feel what it is like to die?!

I do not mean to say that I want to die. I am not sick, I am not depressed, I am not defeated; and if you must think, I am not bored either. It is not like life is missing big adventures or surprises, I just do not feel that I am living.

Lub-Dub Lub-Dub Lub-Dub

That is how heart beats, that is how we know we are living. I do not listen to that sound. I want to immerse in that music which is above all the worldly pleasures. I want to feel my every heartbeat.

I want to feel the miracle - the miracle of life. Each day when I wake up, I want to be thankful for being still alive. I want to feel every time I breathe, knowing that I am fully alive.

I want to feel free, being capable of choosing every moment of my life to spend my own way. To be able to sing or dance like no one's keeping an eye on me. To be able to jump and try to touch the sky. To believe that I can fly, if not today, someday. I want to live my way with no people staring at me as I am different. Coz I want to tell them all - Yes, I am different. And so are you! What you think of insanity is only a measure for freedom. You dare not to be insane, coz you dare not to be free.

I want to feel a fear of death once; and then let go of all the fears, the fear of hatred, the fear of love, the fear of death, the fear of life!

How are you?

Once I asked a friend 'how are you'. He told me he is 'surviving' and he shared his story. I was glad he was willing to tell and I had to tell him he is doing a great job at life. But when I asked the same question to many other friends, they said "fine" or they didn't even bother to answer or register the question. And in most cases, they didn't ask me back how I am. It left me wondering how people don't ask anybody anymore how they are doing. A part reason could be people don't always tell truth when they tell how they are. We always want to skip the big talks. We like avoiding questions that are asked about our feelings. We hide why we feel what we feel. We don't like to be exposed of our emotions. We find comfort in the fact that not many people can read us like an open book. And we prefer choosing a safe answer over a truthful one.

I have been asked this question a few times. Among those few of the times, I have tried to answer it honestly. Once I told a friend I am feeling anxious. I knew he would ask me the reason and he did; but I had none to offer. I couldn't find the reason of anxiety myself. I wanted to share if somebody is hearing me out but I didn't know the reason. People don't accept that you can't know why you feel particularly so. For them, feelings come in a pair with reasons. And everything has to be combined with logic. Once a colleague asked me at work how I am, and I told him I am hungry. He was very kind to accept my answer and he suggested options for breakfast. Many times I have told my friends that I am feeling joyous. They have asked me the reason. Sometimes I had them, sometimes I didn't; but they celebrated with me. Many times I told my friends I am feeling depressed. They only told me I am crazy to feel so. That it's just in my mind and I shouldn't think much. But I wonder why they didn't want to accept the answer then. Feeling negative emotions is as much a part of life as feeling the positive ones. I am only a human! A human with bones and flesh and all my virtues and flaws!

For last few days, I have been feeling a lot of negative emotions. Feeling of being deserted, feeling of not being cared for, feeling of not doing enough and feeling of regret over all the wrong choices I had made in the past. I know there is no point investing your time over a few things, because thinking again and again won't really make you feel better. But some times all you need is somebody who genuinely asks you how you are, and not give grave suggestions like "stop thinking". Only if I could really stop thinking, life would have been so much easy! But sometimes it's okay to think. All we need is somebody who understands that it's really okay so. Who accepts that it's okay to feel sad or lost. People just need to have a belief that we will come back around. And not knowing and getting confused is as much a part of life as exploring and having faith.

Sometimes all we need is just somebody who listen to us. Everyone has a lot to say. But are we ready to listen to them? Are we ready to know how they are before actually asking them? Are we ready to share how we are?

Find the answers in your heart today. Ask this to yourself, your friends and people around you. 

How are you?