Countless tears and I'm drowned !!!

Broken, depressed and lost. Unsatisfied with everything and myself, deceived with my love and seized in endless fear....I shed these tears and they too get evaporated leaving me alone with my loneliness.

I'm all bitter; filled with anger, jealousy and hatred; tired of my own duplicity and wearing the mask of a playful smile. I feel haunted. I feel no sense, no time, no pithy. I just cry and cry and cry out aloud; until I feel every stone of my heart shaken. I see my surroundings and cry out aloud. I find no light, no life around me. I wait for the rain to hide my tears. I stretch my hands with eyes full of expectations. But rain show two drops and go away at a distance again. I feel like that too is laughing on me; it feels pity; tells me to look upon myself; and again burst into laughter. It taunts me, 'Oh! You are the great mahatma who wants to replace my job! Good! Good! Keep trying!' And I burst once again into tears.

I tell God, why you gave me all this. And he merely replies, 'That's all you'd ask for!' i feel helpless. I want to go to my chums, but they're all filled with sympathy; and just and only sympathy. And I find no shoulder to cry upon. I'm very angry with myself. I'm irritated and frustrated. So, I make mistakes; I make sins. I show hatred to everyone. I sweep the smile away. I see everyone with same dark spectacles; and no one ever looks fair to me.

I feel grudge. I feel regret for everything I did and did not. Why did not I understand that earlier? Why did not I say it earlier? Why did not I do it earlier? Why was I so...??? And it goes on forever like this. I feel pity. I feel loneliness. Then, all the fear come and start eating me up. What if this all never stop? What if I never talk to them again? What if they never remember me? What if they never listen listen to me? What if they discard me for everything? What if I never find love? What if I never find peace??? And I keep fighting with my fears and myself...!

I'm still fighting... but I know I'm not gonna always!

Let God's judgement win again...!!!

Love you Ma, Love you Papa

For my loving parents...

(on their 25th wedding anniversary)

April 19th, 2009

Ishwar ki di deh ko insaan banaya aapne,

Hamaare saath apna ek chhota sansaar sajaaya aapne,

Jeevan diya aapne, jeena sikhaya aapne,

Kaise insaan bane khubsoorat nageena, sikhaya aapne,

Khud jitni bhi mushkilein ho, aap sadaa muskuraate rahe,

Hamein har khushi ko khushi se baantna sikhaya aapne,

Kitna pyar aap karte hain hum sab se,

Hamein insaaniyat se pyar karna sikhaya aapne,

Aapne apne jeevan me koi jashn na manaaya,

Hamein jeevan ka jashn manaana sikhaya aapne,

Kitne pal nyochhavar kiye, aapne din-raat hamaare liye,

Hamein aasmaan ki bulandiyaan chhuna sikhana aapne,

Aapne apne sapne hamaari aankhon me dekhe,

Sapne hakeekat karne ki himmat, jutaana sikhaya aapne,

Aapko kuch kah sakein hum, itne to shabda bhi nahi,

Apni bhavnayein vyakta karna sikhaya aapne,

Aaj hum jo bhi hain, bas aapki duayein hain,

Yoon garva se seena uthana, bhi sikhaya aapne,

Jeevan diya aapne, jeena sikhaya aapne...

Sooraj Ko Bujha Do

I wrote this poem in the entrance test of Editorial Board of my Institution. There we got just a line "Sooraj ko bujha do..." and everyone had to write anything starting from it. What I wrote is in front of you all.

Sooraj ko bujha do,

Yeh darpan chamak raha hai,

Ya is ghor prakash me dekho,

Ek pratibimb damak raha hai.

Wah talaash karta hai,

Shayad mil jaye ek aakaar,

Rang-roop ka koi bhed nahi,

Bas ho jaye kuch sapne saakar.

Mil jaaye use thodi si aazadi,

Aur is aajeevan qaid se mukti,

Zyada dhan ya gyaan ki chaah nahi,

Au' na chaahe koi saansarik shakti.

Kutta, billi, bhala, balla,

Ya panchhi aur gagan udaan,

Chaahe kyon na bana do patthar,

Par mil jaaye ek pahchan.

Ludhak-pudhak wo kahin bhi ghume,

Ya nadiya ke sang bahe,

Padaa rahe banjar bhoomi par,

Par peeda aur na qaid sahe.

Sooraj apni chamak se dekho,

Kaise ye darpan chamkaaye,

Main maanav hoon, mujhe hi meri,

Dekho kaisi pahchaan bataye.

Sooraj ki ye dhoop sunahri,

Mera tan chhalni karti hai,

Koi aaj bujha do sooraj,

Vyaakul ruh aahein bharti hai.

Me and My Beliefs

God's most special child...I believe it to the core of my heart.

A perfect Dreamer... who hates to see reality. Yet I know, its there...bigger and bitter.

A typical Leo... bold, audacious, love to be praised, magnetic, hide emotions well, hates when anyone ignore, love to help others.....

I believe things shouldn't be ideal, because they vanish as soon as they reached that state.

I believe everything in the universe is relative, symmetrical, binary... and having multi-dimensions.

I believe 'Life' is the greatest gift God has given to us, we must not waste it.

I believe answer to many of my questions is a truth... and that is "I'm human."

I believe that before dying if I help atleast one person in the world to live life happily just because I'm there... then my living will be successful.

I believe I know myself better each time than I knew it the last time. If you find something new, don't be surprised... I'm equally astonished.

One more philosophy to add to my beliefs:

When you have a beautiful mind, everything become beautiful for you. And when you feel everything beautiful, life become beautiful too.... that's why I feel "A Beautiful Mind is Enough!"

I'm living... because I believe it!

I'm happy... because I believe that too!

I believe, I see, and that all happens to me :)

Install Love, It Is Really Quite Simple

This is an article I came across while reading THE SPEAKING TREE column, Times of India newspaper. I found it worth sharing to all this world.

PS: It's freeware :) Share it with everyone you meet.

Enjoy Love!

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready, as long as you walk me through the steps. Tell me now, what do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programmes running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: Er... what programmes are running, can you list them for me?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, you can go right ahead. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programmes.

Love will eventually override Low Self-esteem with a module of its own called High Self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programmes prevent Love from being properly installed.

Tell me, can you turn those off?

Customer: Umm... let me see. Actually, I don't know how to turn them off. Can yo tell me how? Please help.

Tech Support: With pleasure. It's really quite simple. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Wow, Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base programme. It's quite basic. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, 'Error - Programme not run on external components.' What should I do now?

Tech support: Don't worry, relax. It means that the Love programme is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive Self; Realise Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done. That wasn't too difficult.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the 'My Heart' directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smiles is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to pass it and its various modules around to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, thank you so much.

First Step

Learning new lessons everyday is a part of life. But the part which is most important and we generally forget it, is the implementation in our lives what we have learnt.

We know that a simple misunderstanding can create distances between two persons.

We know that its always good to take the first step in filling gaps.

We know that sometimes, our initiatives can also make very strong bridges.

All that we forget is that we need to do it also, apart from just knowing it.

(As all say, just by knowing that when I get up early and go for a jog, will keep me fit, is not sufficient, but I actually need to go for it also.)

Today I took a first step, in hope that the mile's distance will be covered someday.

Its not enough to know that you dislike and hate some person. You should know what qualities make you feel so. You are actually capable of doing a lot great than you think you are of.

"The Secret says: You need not to worry about the whole path. Just take the first step in faith."

Today I told him that I feel bad about few things. I hope he will take care of some little things which can avoid huge misunderstandings and will cause us work in a healthy environment.

Ecstasy

I'm feeling happy... I've set the state of my mind to that condition.

Thinking that, that I'm happy, I'm happy :)

Wow... sometimes its just pleasant to know that life is simple and easy.

My Beautiful Mind is helping me a lottt.....

I'm feeling gratitude & wanna thank all the pleasant & non-pleasant things happened to me.

Whatever they've taught me & I've learnt so far from them, I am rejuvenated, elated, & feeling the very special essence of my being....

There is nothing particular to mention, for this whole universe is so great... that's the power of cosmic rays... that's the power of being self !!!

Oh! I'm feeling passion for this world...this life !

I don't wanna become a sage now. This materialistic world is something more than money & comfort... its love, desires, dreams & passions... Am I really raptured in delight? Dunno, but I'm flying among the clouds & I wanna be in this long-lasting dream forever... with open eyes...not seeing anything... but just flying me !!!

Forever !

That suffocating eve of The Hostel !

There are always things in life which change so much too soon that we don’t even get time to analyze them. Things do happen, they are meant to be. It’s just up to us how we let them come about. One day or one night is enough to transform one’s world. And sometimes, one moment as well. Changes don’t come giving us an alarm. Or even if they, we are not always blessed to understand them. And even if we understand them, it’s important to keep ourselves cool, calm and composed.

You might be thinking, why I’m telling all this to you. Actually it once happened with me too. I am a student, studying in a prestigious and renowned institute. I enjoy my life as every other adolescent in this world. I have friends and I like to enjoy with them. Like every other day, I returned from my classes and sat with my friends in their dome planning the evening. And then, after sometime, something happened which made such a deep impact on my life, I might not get able to stop thinking about it. How worse the things can be, if you don’t treat them well, I understood just after that incident.

It was a sunny and tiring day. After attending a bunch of classes, I with my friends Ritika, Apurva, Nandini and Priya, returned back to the hostel. Our hostel is solely for girls. We all have habit of making freaky plans there. As we all returned, instead of moving directly to my room, I entered my friends’ dome and we kicked off our hilarious talks. We were screaming, laughing, playing and enjoying. Suddenly a deep far voice entered our ears. The voice heard familiar at the first earshot but we didn’t try hard to understand what message it was trying to convey us. We kept continue our chatting and after sometime I felt the urge to go back to my room. I waved them a goodbye happily and left the room. While passing through all the corridors between our rooms, I saw each gaze was frantic. Everyone seemed to be freezed and panic. I could now make out what was that voice for. The day had come. We had no choice but to witness that crisis.

I had never been so much helpless in my life before. All I could see was tall standing walls and boys around them. It was not like I’m sick or scared of boys, but it seemed like every male human being is shifting himself in my hostel. At the same time, whole world of juniors was seemed to be disobeying me. Whatever I said, they ignored. Wherever I went, people burst. For me they were aimless brutes.

The warden was shouting. All had strict orders to stay in the room and co-operate. I had no idea what she meant by the “co-operation”. I couldn’t understand even a single thing and whenever I tried to apply my silly logic, I found myself more confused and suffocated. I went from one place to another screaming for help, but none seemed to care. Air was getting more and more tense. I could see boys, more boys, shifting their each and every stuff in my hostel – The Girls’ Hostel. I saw every corner. Everything seemed to be moving around my eyes. It was hard enough for me to keep hold of my sight. I prayed God and tried to realize what is happening and why. The suffocation was now killing me.

I tried hard to focus but everything became blurred. The entire scene was white now. And suddenly it became dark. Where was I? With much of the effort I sensed my surroundings. I realized that I’m alive, Awake and lying on my bed. Everything I could found there was that There is no Change. Oh! I was dreaming once again. I thanked God and solaced myself for that nightmare has came to an end. And I lay down long trying to suspire, still unable to make out anything from everything.

A new start !!!

We all are humans with brain embedded in our head. How much we use it, this is of course up to us!!

Ha ha, for so long I was thinking of doing this and doing that... most importantly start blogging and giving myself some food for thoughts. I thought daily about it, as if one worships his God, without even a single miss.. n see when today i didn't think and actually did it, the result in front of you :)

I believe everything is possible... I'll learn to express myself very soon!!

Life

What is this life?

Is it a cup of wine?

Which with every sip, gets more empty.

No, life is not this all.

Then, is life a tree?

Which has many flowers on it,

And with every flower, it looses its fragnance.

No, this is not all about life.

Then, is it an ocean?

Deep but getting shallower with every loosing drop of water.

No, this is certainly not the life.

Then, what is the life?

Life is really a cup of wine,

But that, which with every sip,

Fills the soul with more life.

Life is that tree,

Which with every flower,

Fills the life with more fragnance.

Life is that ocean,

Which deepens with every giving drop of water.

Still.....

Life is not this all,

Life is that feeling,

Which fills every moment of life with more life......

Manytimes......

Manytimes... manytimes...

I feel alone.

Many times, I feel like,

Life has somewhere gone.

I search a lot,

To the distant miles,

But found nowhere,

A face with smile.

Manytimes, I feel like,

I am lost,

Lost in the world,

Which is dry n frost.

Lost in the world,

Clever and cunning,

Lost in the world,

Viciously running.

Manytimes, I limit,

Myself to my room,

Which is absurd, inept,

But full of silence and gloom.

I kept sitting,

In a corner deep and dark,

Thinking of the life,

Which is leaving without a mark.

Manytimes, I ask,

God for a smile,

And he always told me,

To wait for a while.

Manytimes, I wait,

But no more can I,

Hey God, soon tell,

Where the life lies......

Realm of Life

Yeh zindagi hai,

Kabhi hasaati hai, to kabhi rulaati hai,

Kabhi haule se gamon pe muskurati hai,

Kabhi suhaani yaadein ban humko gudgudati hai,

Kabhi kisi ki yaad me pal-pal tadpa jati hai.

Zindagi tujhe aaz tak na koi samajh paya,

Zindagi tera raaz kya, na koi jaan paya,

Zindagi tu hai kahaan, kya chaman ke us paar,

Zindagi kuch to bataa, kaisa hai tera pyaar.

Zindagi tujhse karoon to karoon bhi kya gila,

Sab mera apna hi hai, dukh dard jo bhi mila,

Zindagi aaz maangte hain tujhse ek zindagi,

De de pataa nahi, kya mile phir kal sila.....

Here I am

Main to hoon hawa ka ek jhonka,
Main to hoon bas pal do pal ka dhokha,
Mujhsa nahi koi is zameen par,
Main wo hoon jise kabhi na koi roka,
Main to hoon hawa ka ek jhonka.

Mera roop na koi pahchana,
Mera raaz na hi koi jana,
Mera rang mushkil hai dekh pana,
Main wo hoon jise saare jahaan ne mana.
Mujhko nahi aaztak koi toka,
Main to hoon hawa ka ek jhonka.

Maine banaya mausam bada rangeen,
Maine banaya sara samaa haseen,
Main hi banati bahaare dilnasheen,
Jeetna hai aakhiri tak, ye mujhe yakeen.
Main hoon zindagi, zindagi ko kisne roka,
Main to hoon hawa ka ek jhonka.

For Someone Special......... FRIEND

Maine Khuda se kaha ek din,
Yeh zindagi hi kya kisi dost ke bin.

Duniya yeh hai bahut hi badi,
Zindagi ka kya, mehmaan do ghadi.
Zeene ke liye chahiye mazaa,
Nahi koi soonepan ki saza,
Chahiye to bas ek apna sa pyar,
Pyar jo bana de zindagi khushgawar,
Pyar jo har ek gum ko bhula de,
Pyar jo saare toofaan sula de,
Pyar mita de jo raahon ke kaante,
Pyar jo bas khushiyaan hi khushiyaan baante.
Aisa pyar kahaan milega,
Khushiyon ka phool kahaan khilega.
Yeh phool to bas khila sakta hai dost,
Khushi ko zindagi se mila sakta hai dost,
Dost hi kar sakta hai har raah mumkin,
Yeh zindagi hi kya kisi dost ke bin,
Maine khuda se kaha ek din.

Khuda ne kaha- Dekh aas paas,
Milenge tujhe bhi dost kai khas,
Dost kai sachche, dost kai nek,
Dost nahi ek, par dost anek.
Dost jagate jo jeene ki chah,
Dost dikhate jo jeene ki raah,
Dost bhula dete pal me jo gum,
Dost lutate jo pyar athaah,
Dost hansaate jo pal-pal har pal,
Dost bhula dete pal me jo kal,
Dost jo dukh me dete bhi kandhaa,
Aur macha dete pal me hulchul,
Dost jo tujhse sharaarat bhi karte,
Tere rooth jane se bhi hain darte,
Teri naadaniyon ko dete kar maaf,
Dost teri har adaa par jo marte.
Dekh, duniya dekh, dost kitne yahaan beshumaar,
Sun kya kahti fizaayen, dost rahe hain pukaar.

Khuda ne kaha, maine suna, dekha na jaane kahaan kahaan,
Dhoondha to paya, doston se sarabore tha saara jahaan,
Khush thi main ab, rahi thi chahak,
Doston se rahi thi, jo waadiyaan mahak.
Chhodenge na dosti ki kabhi raah, hai yeh waada,
Aur chaah hai bas itni, chahe raat ho ya din,
Ye zindagi na ho kisi dost ke bin,
Maine khuda se kaha ek din.