क्या लिखूँ

जब सोचा कि कुछ लिखूँ

तब सोचा कि क्या लिखूँ
जो लिखना चाहूँ वो लिखूँ
जो लिख न पाऊं वो लिखूँ

जो एक ख़याल है वो लिखूँ
या जो सवाल है वो लिखूँ
मैं सपनों  को लिखूँ
या फ़िर मलाल को लिखूँ

क्या चाहत को लिखूँ
शरारत को लिखूँ
जो डर है वो लिखूँ
या हिमाक़त  को लिखूँ

इश्क़

छिपा भी नहीं सकता, और जता भी नहीं
उसने की भी है खता, पर उसकी खता भी नहीं

वो कहता है उसे मुझसे इश्क़ हो गया है,
इश्क़ चीज़ क्या है, मुझे पता भी नहीं

रहता तो है वो चाँद हर रोज़ उसके साथ
फिर कह दो उससे मुझे यूं सता भी नहीं

नफ़रत

नफ़रत है इतनी कि कही नहीं जाती
सहते भी हैं पर सही नहीं जाती

चाह तो है कि समंदर निकाल दें
धारा वो है कि बस बही नहीं जाती

न मरते हैं हम न जीते ही हैं
सांसें जो हैं बस यही नहीं जाती

Disturbia

अपने ही खयालों में मौत हो गई है मेरी
बड़ा दर्दनाक है यह.
अभी महसूस नहीं होती सांसें,
तसवीरें सिर्फ़ बंद आँखों से ही दिखती हैं,
बहुत सी चीखें निकल रहीं हैं
पर इतनी चुप हैं सारी कि मेरे सिवाय कोई सुन भी नहीं सकता.

आत्मा ये शरीर छोड़ छोड़कर बार-बार भागे जा रही है
पता नहीं क्यूँ चुम्बक की तरह खिंची चली आती  है वापिस.

मुझे अभी यहाँ नहीं होना था
यूं तो यहाँ अभी हूँ भी नहीं
पर फ़िर भी और कहीं नहीं हूँ
बस यहीं हूँ एक बेबसी के साथ
काश मैं सच में यहाँ नहीं होती.
बहुत चुभ रहीं हैं यह आवाज़ें यहाँ
जो मेरी नहीं हैं.

बहुत नींद आ रही है
पर सोने की चाह नहीं है ऐसे
कितनी सारी दुनियाओं में एकसाथ हूँ अभी,
पहले खुद को समेट लूँ एक जगह
फ़िर ही सोना ठीक रहेगा.

दो पल

कितने दिन हो गए हैं
चैन से बैठी नहीं दो पल को
खुद से करने के लिए दो बातें,
पता नहीं ज़िन्दगी की किस उधेड़-बुन में
निकल गए कितने दिन
और कितनी रातें.

आइना तो आजकल रोज़ देखती हूँ
पर खुद को देखे हुए
एक अरसा हो गया है.
कभी याद आता है अपना
सिसकियों से भरा चेहरा,
तब कितना वक़्त मिल जाता था मुझे
अपने गम को आंसुओं के साथ बाँटने के लिए.
अब तो मैं मशीन की तरह
चले जा रही हूँ
क्या सच में जीना भूल गई हूँ मैं?

बहुत दिनों से दिल खोल के
एक ठहाका भी नहीं मारा है मैंने.
कहाँ चले गए हैं मेरे सारे दोस्त,
ज़रूरत है मुझे उनकी
सपनों की उड़ाने भरनी हैं उनके साथ.

कितनी अकेली हो गई हूँ मैं
पर दो पल फ़िर भी नहीं मिलते
कभी खुद से बात करने के लिए.
सोचा, चलो आज क्यूँ न सही
लेकिन उफ़, कितना अच्छा होता गर
साए से साथ छुड़ाना भी मुमकिन होता.
खैर, तलाश अभी भी ज़ारी है...

Happy Friendship Day

Hi Friends,
Many years ago I wrote this for 7 no's Friendship Day's party.. Today I wanna tell you once again.. I'm really blessed to have friends like you in my life :)

Aaj din hai dosti ka,
Dosti ka ek paigaam,
Sirk aapke naam...

Dosti, ek rishta,
Samudra sa vishaal,
Dosti, wo aasmaan,
Jiski chhanv tale,
Har gam sirf guzra hua kal,
Aur har khushi,
Ek sunahra pal.
Dosti, ek mahki si hawa,
Ek khubsurat ghazal,
Ek atoot vishwas,
Ek pyara ahsaas.
Aur dost...
Har pyaare pal ke saathi,
Sachche saathi,
Dost, teri dosti, tere pyaar ko salaam...

Fear of Failure

Perfection!

It is that one word for which all wanting the best are crazy. I dont know if I really want to be the best, but I'm sure there is nothing lesser than perfect that I desire. Aiming perfection is kinda good. You keep giving your efforts till you know yes-thats-how-I-wanted-it. You might give less results, but sure you give your best ones. But should you really make this a habit; achieving perfection?

Perfection has done something bad to me. It has caused me a fear. You lose your balance just one step and thuddd - you are trapped in the fear of failure. I have done things crazily, giving my best, getting the results which I will like to call just perfect; but in the long time run, it has make me kinda coward and too much afraid. Now I feel reluctant to start a new thing, because I just feel that I might not get it perfect. No one gets it perfect everytime. I still need to learn that.

I have had enough now of not starting few things; if started, never completing them; if completed, never believing that yes-it-is-it! I must learn that imperfection is better than the regrets caused later.

I pray to God that once again I get the courage of doing things.. no matter whether perfect or not!

I pray that we all get able to remove the root cause of fear of failure - Perfection!

Let colors be flown and spreaded in the way they desire..

Let words pour out like little droplets of rain.. unmeasured!

Amen

Wonderful Miracles :)

Just a little attempt to frame a few words in a thread, so that I can remember forever my most favorite scenes from a movie..

Its so wonderful
In a boat amid the vast sea
Where its calm and silent
And you can feel the peace in water.

Its so wonderful
To feel the air of freedom
Running through your veins
Where you are like a bird high in the sky.

Its so wonderful
To watch the horses run
And be able to believe
That if there is any heaven, it is here on this earth :)

Promise

Life is life... no matter what!

I remember the day when it all happened. I lived because I was supposed to live...and I'm still living!

It was dark & dry. The loneliness spread as the night fell, all around my home. I was in my room, struggling with my thoughts & finding hard to sleep. I had almost decided to live back, but I didn't want to live that way. I had to do something and I knew it was 'now or never'.

It was a hard time. It was already late in  the night and I had exactly no idea, that to whom I could talk. I looked once around my room. No mess! Everything clean and clear, at the place where it was supposed to be. All which I found misplaced was me... myself. I didn't know where to put myself. I had no idea which way to choose for my future. So I looked back at my past... hoping it may give some clue.

Why it had to be so cruel?

"I really want to be with you... no matter what! I'll leave this world for you... please forgive me, this one last time!" "Get away" was his last words to me. I never saw him again. I knew I was wrong. It was 'my' mistake. I believed him in whatever he said. I trusted him & at the end, I didn't even get a chance to let the things explain to each other. I knew it was never even necessary.

I didn't knew, how he lived in this world, for this world. I just knew, how he lived with me, for me. Well, all good things come to an end some day, for better or not...no one never knows! He was there, right in front of me, holding in his hands what he had hidden from me all of his life, and I was there, in front of him, partly shocked, partly sorry. I somehow knew, I had to do that for the world, not mine, but other's. It was hard, I closed my eyes, & pulled the trigger.

"O' my God! I'm so sorry. I love you so much. But I had to do this. I couldn't let you play with innocent lives. I had to do this. But I really want to be with you...no matter what! I'll leave this world for you... please forgive me, this one last time!"

"Get away" was his last words to me. I never saw him again. He ran & disappeared in the dark. And I watched him, not knowing what I was thinking, I just kept standing still. And then, I broke. I knew what I had done. I knew I had  to do that.

I came back to my home, in a night dark & dry. I couldn't think of anything else but our last conversation. I promised him to be with him...no matter what!

Night was lonely, & decisions were hard to make. I served myself a hot coffee. I sat on the sofa & kept thinking. I somehow believed, he'll come back to me. I had had no sleep in my eyes. I kept waiting for him... & thinking what next should be done. 'What if he comes back and doesn't find me here?' 'What if he is staying out for tonight & wants to make a fresh start with a fresh day?' 'What if he's sorry too for everything he had done & he shouldn't have?' I had almost decided to live back, but I didn't want to live that way. I had to do something and I knew it was 'now or never'.

It was a hard time. It was already late in the night and I had exactly no idea, that to whom I could talk. I looked once around my room. No mess! Everything clean and clear, at the place where it was supposed to be. All which I found misplaced was me...myself! I knew where I had to put myself. I remembered my promise & set out to seek something.

Now, I was there, where we always used to be. I looked at the waves & the rocks & the sand.

A Moment of Freedom

And that one moment, she felt free. It was magical. Like she had no destination to reach, and all the paths ahead. She could savor the life till its last sip. With shades of orange, pink and purple, the sky appeared as the most beautiful canvas. And that one moment, she forgot the world. She felt alive.

Everything has paused. She could touch the little stars, and smell the wet air. And there she chose to live that moment completely, perfectly. With dreams of flying in the air some day, she just lied down on a bench in the nearby park, gazing at the sky - far, up and turned cloudy dark. But that moment seemed brighter than ever.

She just picked something to write. She could not afford to forget that ever, could not have any more regrets of forgetting.. And then she just seized the moment and captured it forever. She felt an amazing happiness inside. Coz that one moment, she felt free..... more magical than anything ever.

The Human Toy

There he was.. with his little eyes, small palms and the biggest ever smile on his face. He was little in length but had a heart of the size of the Himalayas. He had his dreams to live for and she was his most favorite dream. He wanted to live just one life, and he was living it all for her.

And there she was.. his cute, chubby, sweetie-pie; with sparkling eyes and strawberry lips. With her sweetness, she could melt the most bitter monster in the world.

They both were so good together; they always played together, ate together, roamed together; anyone would say, they are the best friends forever.

He adored her so much that he would never leave her alone. He would sing for her and dance for her and would make the funniest faces ever on the earth, just to see her smiling and laughing and enjoying.

And she was happy too. She wasn't all alone now. She always wanted a toy to keep herself excited n jovial all the time. And finally she got one too. And he was her most favorite toy.

The Silent Stare

It was so loud out in the party, with all that music, and glittering lights, and people. But deep down I could feel a deafening silence. And the silent stare from his eyes were penetrating even deeper inside me.

He was still looking at me. Like he wanted to say something. Were those questions for me? Or the answers which he always wished he could give to me? Or did he want me to read something up there by myself?

I tried to look and it seemed like a labyrinth. Why didn't he just simply come and talk to me? May be the words could have helped better. Or was it I myself who didn't want to talk? It was like two magnets, sometimes with opposite poles, but sometimes with similar.

Everything was hazy, and blurred. The only thing that was still and riveted was the stare from his eyes, with zillions of things to talk about.

And when I see up now, I find those eyes still looking at me.. silently!

Life of a Friendship!

Sometimes I think, how good it would have been if we were always two strangers to each other!

But sometimes, few things have to happen, or how would people get memories otherwise!

When we think life's good, all's well, kinda perfect; we have ignored that deep drown tears of loneliness in our hearts; and we are learning to kinda adjust in all sort of circumstances; then we meet that someone whom we always needed the most... a friend, our Best Friend!

I donno what thunderstorms life was showing to me. I was just looking for a good reason to stay. Then like a shooting star, you came. I had only started to admire your sparkle, but why did you disappear? I was in no hurry, then why were you?

Why were you always so quick in everything and I wasn't? You happened so sudden, and I didn't believe anything. I opened my eyes and saw the glitters. Something had changed. Yeah, the gloomy night had changed!

I was completely lost in the beauty of that moment. I was loving every single thing around me; dancing, singing, lost in the love with myself all over again; and then.. a sudden thuddd and I had to wake up from my dream... 

There was no light, no sparkle, no star...

Oh! You were just a shooting star!

Its time to get back to my closet!

I will wait till the night is over.. with your memories..

The life of our friendship can't be so less. I hope you'll come back soon. And this time as the bright shining sun, to stay with me.. Forever!

I'm waiting...

As long as you love me...

I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I'm bored, and I need fun...

Ever since I've started blogging, I'm posting my poems and thoughts. Let this post be something very random and fun. No, I'm not telling here any of my love stories. Its just a game. A good time-pass indeed!

Thanks to Anurag who tagged me in his post. This is the first time I'm playing any such game.

So here it goes..

The rules are very simple!

*Rules*

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, IPOD etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS...

1. If someone asks you, “are you okay ? ?” you say:

Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers (:O Seems like I'm really not okay!)

2. How would you describe yourself ?

Unchained Melody - Elvis Presley (The title sounds good, but the song sounds despo... :|)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl ?

Jhoom barabar jhoom - Jhoom barabar jhoom (No interpretation for this one!)

4. How do you feel today ?

Kheva re kheva - Doli sajaa ke rakhna (Not able to relate to even a bit of it!)

5. What is your life’s purpose ?

Open Road - Gary Barlow (Is it trying to indicate me towards my life's real purpose, the person who really needs me most? *thinking*)

6. What’s your motto ?

Kal ho na ho - Kal ho na ho (Sahi hi toh hai ;))

7. What do your friends think of you ?

Rukmani.. Rukmani - Roja (I knew they're the culprit ones..can never stop gossips!! :P)

8. What do your parents think of you?

Kaagaz ki kashti - Unsorted (May be they find their own childhood :))

9. What do you think of often ?

Aanan faanan..hua kya se kya - Namastey London (LOL.. perfect!! :D)

10. What is 2 + 2 ?

Gulaabi aankhen - The Train (What is the math in this?! :P)

11. What do you think of your best friend ?

Roz shaam aati thi - Imtihaan (But now my best friend forgot me :'( )

12. What is your life story ?

Dil diya hai.. jaan bhi denge - Karma (Waah Waah!! :P )

13. What do you want to be when you grow up ?

Baadal yoon garaztaa hai - Betaab (Weird.. totally absurd!)

14. What do you think when you see the person you like ?

Aa khushi se khudkushi kar le - Darling (OMG! :O I'm not-at-all a despo!! :@ )

15. What will you dance to at your wedding 4th anniversary?

Teri deewani - Kailasa (Auwww :) )

16. What will they play at your funeral?

Tu is tarah se meri zindagi me shaamil hai.. Jahaan bhi jaaun ye lagta hai, teri mahfil hai - Aap to aise na the (Auwww.. this one's making me emo! *sob sob* )

17. What is your hobby/interest ?

Cheeni kum - Cheeni kum (Hmm.. I dunno howz that a hobby! :|)

18. What is your biggest fear ?

Yu hi chalaa chal raahi - Swades (That's never a fear!!)

19. What is your biggest secret ?

Dil ne kahaa chupke se - 1942 A Love Story (*blush* *blush*)

20. What do you want right now ?

Tera muskurana, fir has ke paas aana, mujhe apna naam batana... - Jhankaar Beats (Auwww... When am I gonna really experience that ^_^)

21. What do you think of your friends?

Halka halka sa ye nasha - Chocolate (Dosto ke sath aur kya.. cheers!! ;) )

22. When you want to rush to the toilet, what do you think ?

Silsila ye chaahat ka - Devdas (:O)

23. Person you hate the most is in front of you, what will you tell the person ?

Aashiqui mein har aashiq ho jaata hai majboor - Dil ka kya kasoor (Hmm...)

24. You have just won a lottery. What will you sing ?

In aankhon ki masti ke.. - Umraao Jaan (And I thought we were talking about lottery!:P)

25. What will you post this as?

As long as you love me - Backstreet Boys (Perfect! :):)):))) )

Oh by the way, out of this, 9 songs I listened to first time. And 15 I rarely listen.. I guess my media player was choosing the songs to play which I never do otherwise.. I should have better used my mobile phone's media player!! :D

The Lost Passions

Thanking everyone around me who is inspiring me every now and then to lighten up, brighten up...

Finding again the lost passions,

The poems without the words,

The love for colors,

And the beauty of nature.

Appreciating the sunshine,

And the little pour of rain,

And a lovely long walk on the sands.

Wondering about the dreams,

Creating illusions of reality,

Where anything can be true,

Where anything can be mine...

Finding again the lost passions,

And loving myself all over again...

Desires... For Freedom!

The first ever piece of poetry from the beautiful mind...

Ek panchhi, ek swatantra mann,

Karta nabh tal swachhand vicharan,

Kuch chaah nahi, koi raah nahi,

Bas kahna hai sandesh yahi,

Kya rakha hai kisi gulaami me,

Jhoothi shaan ki badnaami me,

Jeena ho to khul ke pankh failaao,

Door gagan ko bhi chhoo jao,

Ye hoti hai aazadi ki talab,

Jo poorn kare jeewan ka sabab.

Main saagar odhe baitha hoon...

Ret ki chataai par,

Main saagar odhe baitha hoon.

Nanhi aankhon me baadal sang bahne ke,

Sapne liye baitha hoon.

Jo baarish ho kabhi os ki,

To sooraj mera chhaata ho.

Main titliyon aur bhanwro ko,

Apna geet sunaane baitha hoon.

Main taaro ko takiya banaye,

Chaandni odhe baitha hoon.

Andhere me jugnuon ke sath,

Roshni failaaye baitha hoon.

Jo dastak de khwaab ek,

Main hawaaon me kho jaaun kahin.

Main Pariyo ke intezaar me,

Palke bichhaye baitha hoon.

Ret ki chataai par,

Main saagar odhe baitha hoon.

Nanhi aankhon me apni ek

Duniya sajaaye baitha hoon.

Khoj...

Aaj kuch gaayab hai,

Bahut khoja,

Par mil hi nahi raha..

Socha, us kamre ke kiwaad fir kholu,

Jahaan bachpan bitaya tha..

Mil gayi mujhe apni titliyon se bhari dibbi,

Wo gulaab ki sookhi pankhudiyaan,

Wo ret se bhari shishi,

Aur seepiyon ka khajaana..

Kuch patange bhi mili,

Aur kaagaz ki naav bhi..

Ek kone me ek katori rakhi thi,

Socha tha kisi raat dhoop na mile to kaam aayegi,

Ek chammach bhi rakhi thi,

Usme jharna bhar ke rakha tha..

Par jo barf ka gola saja ke rakha tha,

Uske to nishaan hi dikhte nahi ab..

Sab ojhal ho gaya hai..

Bilkul meri maasoomiyat ki tarah

Bahut khoja use..

Par kahin mil hi nahi rahi..!!

Ho gayi hai shaam...

Arey, ye kya hua

Ye andhera, ye jaam,

Kya sach me din dhal gaya,

Kya ho gayi hai shaam?

Abhi-abhi to subah thi,

Main neend se tha jaaga,

Kuch sapne the, jo karne the poore,

Main peechhe tha unke bhaaga.

Abhi-abhi to bas pakdi thi,

Jo ghumaati mujhe sansaar,

Abhi-abhi to kadam rakha tha,

Zindagi me pahli baar.

Abhi hi to pahchaana tha,

Kya jhooth hai, kya sachchai,

Abhi-abhi to jana tha,

Kya hai rishton ko gahraayi.

Abhi-abhi to anjaane bhi

Dost banaye the,

Na jaane unke saath,

Kitne jashna manaaye the.

Abhi-abhi to seekha tha,

Banana naye naye plan,

Aur karna apni jeet ka,

Poori duniya me elaan.

Seekha tha humne jeetna,

Par seekhi bhi thi haar,

Seekha tha roothna-manaana,

Seekhi thi takraar.

Wo dosto ki mahfil,

Wo chhoti si baat,

Kuch kah di, kuch rah gayi,

Aur ho gayi raat.

Pata na chalaa tha,

Ki dhal chuka hai din,

Aur rah gayi hai sirf,

Ye raat taare gin.

Guzaar diya waqt,

Na jaane kya paane ki chaah me,

Par kho gaye hum kahin,

Us manzil ki hi raah me.

Kaise jaaye wapas,

Koi to pataa do,

Kya ye jashna ke hain jaam

Mujhe koi to bataa do?

Koi to raah dhoondhni hi padegi,

Kal subah fir jaagna hai.

Ek naye sapne ke peechhe,

Kal subah fir bhaagna hai.

Aaj to jo hua, so hua,

Abhi karte hain aaraam,

Kal fir subah aayegi,

Abhi ho gayi hai shaam.

Chhoo lo wo Unchaiyaan

Jeewan ke is anubhav me,

Kai daur aise aayenge,

Kabhi khatthe, kabhi meethe,

Kabhi Sunahre pal laayenge,

To laayenge kabhi wo,

Pal gamo ki aandhi ke,

Kabhi wo aansu, baarish

Ban ke barsaayenge.

Wo banenge vishaal baadha,

Rokenge teri raah,

Chahenge tujhe haraana,

Kamjor karke teri chaah.

Par tu ye yaad rakhna,

Aur karna ek vishwaas,

Par nahi hain tere, to kya,

Chhuna hai aakash.

Lena tu seekh sab se,

Chahe wo ho koi rekha,

Manzil nahi hai uski,

Par chalti rahe hamesha.

Dekhna tu maati ka deepak,

Aur baati ka samarpan,

Dene prakash duniya ko,

Wo jalti rahe hamesha.

Sadiyaan ho gayi, parwat bhi

Kabhi thaka nahi,

Aur mukaabla koi,

Kar sakaa nahi.

Sun ye hawaa bhi,

Kya geet gaati hai,

Faila le pankh iraado ke,

Unchaiyaan bulati hain.

Aaz tu na thakna,

Aaz tu na rukna,

Chhoo le saara aakash,

Sab hai tera apna.

Ye jeewan hai, yahaan koi

Kal nahi jaanta,

Tu ud le aaz jee bhar,

Sach kar le apna sapna.

Tu chhoo le har khushi,

Tu chhoo le manzil,

Tu chhoo le aaz ruh,

Tu chhoo le saare dil,

Tu chhoo le saara jahaan,

Tu chhoo le haseen samaa,

Tu chhoo le har unchaayi,

Tu chhoo le aasmaan...

Tu chhoo le aasmaan...

Tu chhoo le saara jahaan....