Promise

Life is life... no matter what!

I remember the day when it all happened. I lived because I was supposed to live...and I'm still living!

It was dark & dry. The loneliness spread as the night fell, all around my home. I was in my room, struggling with my thoughts & finding hard to sleep. I had almost decided to live back, but I didn't want to live that way. I had to do something and I knew it was 'now or never'.

It was a hard time. It was already late in  the night and I had exactly no idea, that to whom I could talk. I looked once around my room. No mess! Everything clean and clear, at the place where it was supposed to be. All which I found misplaced was me... myself. I didn't know where to put myself. I had no idea which way to choose for my future. So I looked back at my past... hoping it may give some clue.

Why it had to be so cruel?

"I really want to be with you... no matter what! I'll leave this world for you... please forgive me, this one last time!" "Get away" was his last words to me. I never saw him again. I knew I was wrong. It was 'my' mistake. I believed him in whatever he said. I trusted him & at the end, I didn't even get a chance to let the things explain to each other. I knew it was never even necessary.

I didn't knew, how he lived in this world, for this world. I just knew, how he lived with me, for me. Well, all good things come to an end some day, for better or not...no one never knows! He was there, right in front of me, holding in his hands what he had hidden from me all of his life, and I was there, in front of him, partly shocked, partly sorry. I somehow knew, I had to do that for the world, not mine, but other's. It was hard, I closed my eyes, & pulled the trigger.

"O' my God! I'm so sorry. I love you so much. But I had to do this. I couldn't let you play with innocent lives. I had to do this. But I really want to be with you...no matter what! I'll leave this world for you... please forgive me, this one last time!"

"Get away" was his last words to me. I never saw him again. He ran & disappeared in the dark. And I watched him, not knowing what I was thinking, I just kept standing still. And then, I broke. I knew what I had done. I knew I had  to do that.

I came back to my home, in a night dark & dry. I couldn't think of anything else but our last conversation. I promised him to be with him...no matter what!

Night was lonely, & decisions were hard to make. I served myself a hot coffee. I sat on the sofa & kept thinking. I somehow believed, he'll come back to me. I had had no sleep in my eyes. I kept waiting for him... & thinking what next should be done. 'What if he comes back and doesn't find me here?' 'What if he is staying out for tonight & wants to make a fresh start with a fresh day?' 'What if he's sorry too for everything he had done & he shouldn't have?' I had almost decided to live back, but I didn't want to live that way. I had to do something and I knew it was 'now or never'.

It was a hard time. It was already late in the night and I had exactly no idea, that to whom I could talk. I looked once around my room. No mess! Everything clean and clear, at the place where it was supposed to be. All which I found misplaced was me...myself! I knew where I had to put myself. I remembered my promise & set out to seek something.

Now, I was there, where we always used to be. I looked at the waves & the rocks & the sand.