If I could

Only if I could see you now
Touch you
Hold your arms
Hug you
And then caress your cheeks
If I could run my fingers through your hair
And give a soft blow over your eyes
I would kiss them
And your cheeks
And your lips
I will clutch your hand
With mine
Till they disappear in each other
And I will love you
Till we disappear in each other

Untitled

I wake up sometimes
In the middle of a dream
I need not it
Its just a shadow
Your touch of an inch
A little whisper
Sound of your breath
And pillow of an arm
Make me believe
That life is true
And much beautiful
For you are there

Presence

When you will be busy
With your work everyday
Keeping up the schedule
And staring at your laptop

Forgetting about the flower
Blossoming around the corner of  your table
And steaming cup of coffee
Getting cold like a fading memory

Those such times
Remember I will be there
Sitting silently near you
Listening to your presence

Spaces of Time

I think about you
And make faces in the air
Are you alive
Or am dreaming a lot
May be one day
I will come out of the dream
But I don't want to
I wish it be to true
And we be
In the same spaces of time

Musings

I saw a dream
I wished it were true
And there came you
You're just a thought
Sometimes a shadow
Are you a face

I try to believe
That stories can have
A happily ever after
Reality is blurred
People often have
Just false hopes

I get confused
Between dreams and memories
Are both unreal
I kept a stone
If I see it closely
It thumps sometimes

कोरा कागज़

एक कोरे कागज़ का एकाकीपन 

बस वही चाहिये 

एक नयी नज़्म लिखने के लिये।

लिखना तो और भी बहुत है 

कुछ सपनें, कुछ अरमान,

कुछ चाहत, औ कुछ दुयाएँ,

पर कोरा कागज़ नहीं बचा। 

सबमें एक मिलावट आ गयी है,

खयालों में, औ सवालों में भी,

सब मिलावट के साथ ही

कागज़ पर बिखरे पड़े हैं। 

कुछ कागज़ों पर से निशाँ 

मिटा नहीं सकते हम 

और कोरा कागज़... वो कहीं नहीं है।  

I & You

When I am not with you 

I often dream of you 

And those dreams are such beauty

As perfect as a fairy tale.

I dream of two happy souls

Contently smiling.

Their hands are clutched

And shoulders leaned.

I dream of me sitting on your lap

My hands around your neck

And you reading to me

My favourite poetry.

I dream of moments

When we just know

That love suffice

And rest of the world fades.

I dream of those things

You say with your eyes

And then we look somewhere far

Silently savouring the moment.

I dream of times

When I see you after long

And hug you the tightest hug ever

And never let you go again.

I dream the days

When we travel the world

Measure every inch on this earth

Together.

I dream of starry nights

When we lie on the terrace

Talking endlessly

And loving.

.

.

.

And when I see YOU,

These beautiful dreams just shatter

Leaving me alone with

A grim Reality.

दोस्त

ए दोस्त
जा रहे हो तुम
क्या एसे  ही चले जाओगे

सब आज तुमसे कुछ न कुछ कह रहें  हैं
बता रहें  हैं तुम्हें
कि  तुम उन्हें कितना याद आओगे

आज जब तुम जा रहे हो
और सब तुमसे दिल की बात कह रहें  हैं
मेरे पास तुमसे कुछ कहने के लिए है ही नहीं
क्या है ऐसा
जो मुझे शब्दों में कहना पड़े कि तुम समझ जाओ?

तुम तो जा रहे हो
पर लग ही नहीं रहा मुझे ऐसा
बदला ही क्या है अभी यहाँ

पर अब ज़रूर कम हो जायेंगे थोड़े ठहाके
रूठना मनाना और छेड़खानी ज़रा फ़ीकी लगेगी
पता नहीं इतनी परवाह भी अब कौन करेगा मेरी

सन्डे के दिन जब बोरियत हो तो नहीं होगी अब लड़ाई
और रातों को भी सोने से पहले नहीं कह सकूंगी
"पानी दा रंग" गाना बजाने के लिए
और हर मुश्किल में पता नहीं
अब किसे करना होगा याद

कहीं एक कोना ऐसा भी होगा
जहाँ से निकलते हुए हर रोज़ जायेगी नज़र
पर नहीं होगे वहाँ तुम
क्यूंकि जा रहे हो तुम

सोच रही हूँ क्या कहूँ क्या नहीं
कुछ बातें शायद कह देने से कम हो जायें
मुझे पता है तुम समझते हो उन्हें

मैं लिखे जा रही हूँ
पर अभी भी लग नहीं रहा
कि सच में जा रहे हो तुम
अब शायद कल जब नहीं होगे तुम
तब लगेगा कि तुम चले गए हो
तुम्हारी बड़ी याद आयेगी
वापिस जल्दी आना लौटके ..

क्या लिखूँ

जब सोचा कि कुछ लिखूँ

तब सोचा कि क्या लिखूँ
जो लिखना चाहूँ वो लिखूँ
जो लिख न पाऊं वो लिखूँ

जो एक ख़याल है वो लिखूँ
या जो सवाल है वो लिखूँ
मैं सपनों  को लिखूँ
या फ़िर मलाल को लिखूँ

क्या चाहत को लिखूँ
शरारत को लिखूँ
जो डर है वो लिखूँ
या हिमाक़त  को लिखूँ

इश्क़

छिपा भी नहीं सकता, और जता भी नहीं
उसने की भी है खता, पर उसकी खता भी नहीं

वो कहता है उसे मुझसे इश्क़ हो गया है,
इश्क़ चीज़ क्या है, मुझे पता भी नहीं

रहता तो है वो चाँद हर रोज़ उसके साथ
फिर कह दो उससे मुझे यूं सता भी नहीं

नफ़रत

नफ़रत है इतनी कि कही नहीं जाती
सहते भी हैं पर सही नहीं जाती

चाह तो है कि समंदर निकाल दें
धारा वो है कि बस बही नहीं जाती

न मरते हैं हम न जीते ही हैं
सांसें जो हैं बस यही नहीं जाती

Disturbia

अपने ही खयालों में मौत हो गई है मेरी
बड़ा दर्दनाक है यह.
अभी महसूस नहीं होती सांसें,
तसवीरें सिर्फ़ बंद आँखों से ही दिखती हैं,
बहुत सी चीखें निकल रहीं हैं
पर इतनी चुप हैं सारी कि मेरे सिवाय कोई सुन भी नहीं सकता.

आत्मा ये शरीर छोड़ छोड़कर बार-बार भागे जा रही है
पता नहीं क्यूँ चुम्बक की तरह खिंची चली आती  है वापिस.

मुझे अभी यहाँ नहीं होना था
यूं तो यहाँ अभी हूँ भी नहीं
पर फ़िर भी और कहीं नहीं हूँ
बस यहीं हूँ एक बेबसी के साथ
काश मैं सच में यहाँ नहीं होती.
बहुत चुभ रहीं हैं यह आवाज़ें यहाँ
जो मेरी नहीं हैं.

बहुत नींद आ रही है
पर सोने की चाह नहीं है ऐसे
कितनी सारी दुनियाओं में एकसाथ हूँ अभी,
पहले खुद को समेट लूँ एक जगह
फ़िर ही सोना ठीक रहेगा.

दो पल

कितने दिन हो गए हैं
चैन से बैठी नहीं दो पल को
खुद से करने के लिए दो बातें,
पता नहीं ज़िन्दगी की किस उधेड़-बुन में
निकल गए कितने दिन
और कितनी रातें.

आइना तो आजकल रोज़ देखती हूँ
पर खुद को देखे हुए
एक अरसा हो गया है.
कभी याद आता है अपना
सिसकियों से भरा चेहरा,
तब कितना वक़्त मिल जाता था मुझे
अपने गम को आंसुओं के साथ बाँटने के लिए.
अब तो मैं मशीन की तरह
चले जा रही हूँ
क्या सच में जीना भूल गई हूँ मैं?

बहुत दिनों से दिल खोल के
एक ठहाका भी नहीं मारा है मैंने.
कहाँ चले गए हैं मेरे सारे दोस्त,
ज़रूरत है मुझे उनकी
सपनों की उड़ाने भरनी हैं उनके साथ.

कितनी अकेली हो गई हूँ मैं
पर दो पल फ़िर भी नहीं मिलते
कभी खुद से बात करने के लिए.
सोचा, चलो आज क्यूँ न सही
लेकिन उफ़, कितना अच्छा होता गर
साए से साथ छुड़ाना भी मुमकिन होता.
खैर, तलाश अभी भी ज़ारी है...

Happy Friendship Day

Hi Friends,
Many years ago I wrote this for 7 no's Friendship Day's party.. Today I wanna tell you once again.. I'm really blessed to have friends like you in my life :)

Aaj din hai dosti ka,
Dosti ka ek paigaam,
Sirk aapke naam...

Dosti, ek rishta,
Samudra sa vishaal,
Dosti, wo aasmaan,
Jiski chhanv tale,
Har gam sirf guzra hua kal,
Aur har khushi,
Ek sunahra pal.
Dosti, ek mahki si hawa,
Ek khubsurat ghazal,
Ek atoot vishwas,
Ek pyara ahsaas.
Aur dost...
Har pyaare pal ke saathi,
Sachche saathi,
Dost, teri dosti, tere pyaar ko salaam...

Fear of Failure

Perfection!

It is that one word for which all wanting the best are crazy. I dont know if I really want to be the best, but I'm sure there is nothing lesser than perfect that I desire. Aiming perfection is kinda good. You keep giving your efforts till you know yes-thats-how-I-wanted-it. You might give less results, but sure you give your best ones. But should you really make this a habit; achieving perfection?

Perfection has done something bad to me. It has caused me a fear. You lose your balance just one step and thuddd - you are trapped in the fear of failure. I have done things crazily, giving my best, getting the results which I will like to call just perfect; but in the long time run, it has make me kinda coward and too much afraid. Now I feel reluctant to start a new thing, because I just feel that I might not get it perfect. No one gets it perfect everytime. I still need to learn that.

I have had enough now of not starting few things; if started, never completing them; if completed, never believing that yes-it-is-it! I must learn that imperfection is better than the regrets caused later.

I pray to God that once again I get the courage of doing things.. no matter whether perfect or not!

I pray that we all get able to remove the root cause of fear of failure - Perfection!

Let colors be flown and spreaded in the way they desire..

Let words pour out like little droplets of rain.. unmeasured!

Amen

Wonderful Miracles :)

Just a little attempt to frame a few words in a thread, so that I can remember forever my most favorite scenes from a movie..

Its so wonderful
In a boat amid the vast sea
Where its calm and silent
And you can feel the peace in water.

Its so wonderful
To feel the air of freedom
Running through your veins
Where you are like a bird high in the sky.

Its so wonderful
To watch the horses run
And be able to believe
That if there is any heaven, it is here on this earth :)

Promise

Life is life... no matter what!

I remember the day when it all happened. I lived because I was supposed to live...and I'm still living!

It was dark & dry. The loneliness spread as the night fell, all around my home. I was in my room, struggling with my thoughts & finding hard to sleep. I had almost decided to live back, but I didn't want to live that way. I had to do something and I knew it was 'now or never'.

It was a hard time. It was already late in  the night and I had exactly no idea, that to whom I could talk. I looked once around my room. No mess! Everything clean and clear, at the place where it was supposed to be. All which I found misplaced was me... myself. I didn't know where to put myself. I had no idea which way to choose for my future. So I looked back at my past... hoping it may give some clue.

Why it had to be so cruel?

"I really want to be with you... no matter what! I'll leave this world for you... please forgive me, this one last time!" "Get away" was his last words to me. I never saw him again. I knew I was wrong. It was 'my' mistake. I believed him in whatever he said. I trusted him & at the end, I didn't even get a chance to let the things explain to each other. I knew it was never even necessary.

I didn't knew, how he lived in this world, for this world. I just knew, how he lived with me, for me. Well, all good things come to an end some day, for better or not...no one never knows! He was there, right in front of me, holding in his hands what he had hidden from me all of his life, and I was there, in front of him, partly shocked, partly sorry. I somehow knew, I had to do that for the world, not mine, but other's. It was hard, I closed my eyes, & pulled the trigger.

"O' my God! I'm so sorry. I love you so much. But I had to do this. I couldn't let you play with innocent lives. I had to do this. But I really want to be with you...no matter what! I'll leave this world for you... please forgive me, this one last time!"

"Get away" was his last words to me. I never saw him again. He ran & disappeared in the dark. And I watched him, not knowing what I was thinking, I just kept standing still. And then, I broke. I knew what I had done. I knew I had  to do that.

I came back to my home, in a night dark & dry. I couldn't think of anything else but our last conversation. I promised him to be with him...no matter what!

Night was lonely, & decisions were hard to make. I served myself a hot coffee. I sat on the sofa & kept thinking. I somehow believed, he'll come back to me. I had had no sleep in my eyes. I kept waiting for him... & thinking what next should be done. 'What if he comes back and doesn't find me here?' 'What if he is staying out for tonight & wants to make a fresh start with a fresh day?' 'What if he's sorry too for everything he had done & he shouldn't have?' I had almost decided to live back, but I didn't want to live that way. I had to do something and I knew it was 'now or never'.

It was a hard time. It was already late in the night and I had exactly no idea, that to whom I could talk. I looked once around my room. No mess! Everything clean and clear, at the place where it was supposed to be. All which I found misplaced was me...myself! I knew where I had to put myself. I remembered my promise & set out to seek something.

Now, I was there, where we always used to be. I looked at the waves & the rocks & the sand.

A Moment of Freedom

And that one moment, she felt free. It was magical. Like she had no destination to reach, and all the paths ahead. She could savor the life till its last sip. With shades of orange, pink and purple, the sky appeared as the most beautiful canvas. And that one moment, she forgot the world. She felt alive.

Everything has paused. She could touch the little stars, and smell the wet air. And there she chose to live that moment completely, perfectly. With dreams of flying in the air some day, she just lied down on a bench in the nearby park, gazing at the sky - far, up and turned cloudy dark. But that moment seemed brighter than ever.

She just picked something to write. She could not afford to forget that ever, could not have any more regrets of forgetting.. And then she just seized the moment and captured it forever. She felt an amazing happiness inside. Coz that one moment, she felt free..... more magical than anything ever.

The Human Toy

There he was.. with his little eyes, small palms and the biggest ever smile on his face. He was little in length but had a heart of the size of the Himalayas. He had his dreams to live for and she was his most favorite dream. He wanted to live just one life, and he was living it all for her.

And there she was.. his cute, chubby, sweetie-pie; with sparkling eyes and strawberry lips. With her sweetness, she could melt the most bitter monster in the world.

They both were so good together; they always played together, ate together, roamed together; anyone would say, they are the best friends forever.

He adored her so much that he would never leave her alone. He would sing for her and dance for her and would make the funniest faces ever on the earth, just to see her smiling and laughing and enjoying.

And she was happy too. She wasn't all alone now. She always wanted a toy to keep herself excited n jovial all the time. And finally she got one too. And he was her most favorite toy.

The Silent Stare

It was so loud out in the party, with all that music, and glittering lights, and people. But deep down I could feel a deafening silence. And the silent stare from his eyes were penetrating even deeper inside me.

He was still looking at me. Like he wanted to say something. Were those questions for me? Or the answers which he always wished he could give to me? Or did he want me to read something up there by myself?

I tried to look and it seemed like a labyrinth. Why didn't he just simply come and talk to me? May be the words could have helped better. Or was it I myself who didn't want to talk? It was like two magnets, sometimes with opposite poles, but sometimes with similar.

Everything was hazy, and blurred. The only thing that was still and riveted was the stare from his eyes, with zillions of things to talk about.

And when I see up now, I find those eyes still looking at me.. silently!